<$BlogRSDUrl$>

My personal musings about anything that gets on my radar screen--heavily dominated by politics.

2006-01-30

How The Headline SHOULD Have Read

Even though the Rocky Mountain News managed to make it onto M.K.Ham's list of conservative editorial boards, the headline writers apparently still don't have a clue.

First, read this article, headlined "Students Pass On Uncle Sam."

Then, let's rearrange some of the paragraphs and see if my proposed headline is more appropriate. I will only be adding four words to this article, emphasized:

First, here's my headline:

Uncle Sam Finding Success, Snubs In Area

High schools are required by federal law to give military recruiters the names of students nearing graduation. Recruiters then work the list by phone and mail.

But an increasing number of students in some of the largest metro- area school districts are signing a form that lets them remove their names from the list, according to data obtained from high school and district officials.

[In spite of this], Lt. Col. Jeffrey Brodeur, commander of the Denver Army Recruiting Battalion, said he still has plenty of names and recruits. The battalion serves an area from southern Colorado to the Canadian border.

Army statistics show that 225 seniors enlisted in fiscal year 2005, which ended Oct. 10. That's up from 163 seniors who joined the Army in fiscal year 2004.

The Army's Wheat Ridge district, which covers western and northern parts of the Denver area, saw high school recruits increase from 27 to 35. Recruits increased from 14 to 35 in the district that covers the south and east parts of the metro area.

"The number of students who want to serve their country is increasing," Brodeur said.

Liz Daley, 16, a junior at Pomona High School who lives in Arvada, said she did not sign the opt-out form. She's considering the Navy or the Air Force, both of which offer flight programs.

"I feel it will really be an interesting thing to do," Daley said.

She'll use the college scholarship money she earns to major in business and culinary arts. Her dream is to open a small restaurant where bands can play.

But an increasing number of students in some of the largest metro- area school districts are signing a form that lets them remove their names from the list, according to data obtained from high school and district officials.

In Jefferson County, the state's largest school district, 25 percent of juniors signed the opt-out form this fall, up from 13 percent in fall 2004.

In neighboring Douglas County, opt-outs increased from 51 percent last school year to 55 percent this school year.

In Denver, opt-outs went from 5.3 percent of students in 2001-02 to 25.5 percent in 2004-05. The district hasn't compiled data for the current school year.

The war in Iraq is on the minds of many students, although it's not necessarily the chief reason that many opt out.

"I just don't feel comfortable going into the service," said Andrew Shaffer, 17, of Westminster, a senior at Pomona High School in Jefferson County.

In the article that actually ran today, those interesting little tidbits about the ACTUAL recruiting numbers were buried in the bottom half of the article.

Don't you think that, in a balanced world, would have been the interesting factoid, rather than the slightly more sensational news about the bureaucratic process some are going through?

And then, in that same balanced world, wouldn't my approach to the article be a wee little bit more . . . accurate?
Posted by: Michael / 1/30/2006 11:44:00 PM

Weblog Commenting by HaloScan.com

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?